No need for an introduction here. Everyone knows Schwartz's already. Everyone from celebrities to international foodies to the proud and loyal Montrealers. 80 years of history, the father of Montreal Steak Seasoning, and yes! they have a musical! How cool is that?!?! So let's all thank Mr. Reuben Schwartz for putting Montreal on the map as the best place to eat a smoked meat!
And believe it or not, I was a Schwartz's virgin until this year :O Shame on me, I can already hear you say it! And yes, I must say that I finally feel complete now :)
So now how do you lose your virginity to Schwartz? First, to fully live the experience, you have to be in the restaurant while it is well populate. It is not the same vibe without sitting elbow to elbow to your neighbors :) Thus, be ready to wait in line on the Main. But do not worry, the service is so efficient that you will barely notice you were waiting!
Second, try to sit by the counter in front of the passionate chefs :) You will truly see all the actions going on to make all this yumminess. They will gladly tell you which celebrity sat at the same exact stool that you are at ;)
Third, do not look at the menu. You don't have the choice. You HAVE to order the following: Medium fat smoked meat sandwich, a pickle, fries and a black cherry cola. No no. You HAVE to. No lean or medium smoked meat. Come on. Be real. You are at Schwartz not to be on a diet! You can also add some hot banana peppers and coleslaw in extra! Nom nom nom... Trust me, I did the error of ordering the plate of smoked meat the first time, it was much more drier than the sandwich of my neighbors. I was officially jealous and promised myself to always order the sandwich in the future.
Fourth, there is different ways of eating a smoked meat sandwich. You should have noticed that the proportion of meat to bread is not always the easiest to handle. So here are my three techniques:
1. THE SHY AND POLITE ONE:
Open your sandwich. Eat half of the meat. Add some mustard on the bread. Close it. Bring the sandwich to your mouth. Close your eyes. Mmmmmmm... After finishing your bite, taste the pickle. Have some fries. And finish off with a sip of black cherry coke. Happyness :)
2. THE OPEN-AND-GARNISH ONE
Open your sandwich. Slice some pickles and some hot peppers if you ordered some. Garnish each half with it. Add some fries to your liking. Squirt some mustard on each half. Eat each half separately, holding it between your fingers, just adding enough grease on the tips so you lick it off at the end. Complement each bite with a slurp of Cherry soda :)
3. THE-I-DON'T-CARE-WHAT-I-LOOK-LIKE ONE
Squeeze your sandwich between your hands, dig in and before finishing your bite, quickly bite into the pickle. Contemplate the tangyness and crunch mixed with the perfectly fatty and flavorful meat. Swallow. Do not mind the bits falling of, or actually, do mind. Pick them up. Don't waste them. I mean, seriously. If you are a real one, you can take a bite of everything and a slurp of the soda so it just makes a happy marriage in your mouth. Don't reach for your napkin until the end of the meal. It is useless to clean yourself up when you know you'll get dirty again a few seconds. Mmmmm... triple happiness!
Finally, after licking your fingers clean, you can salute your neighbors and the chefs behind the counter, maybe pick up some spices to go home with and make some yummy creations. Pay at the cashier, and yes it is cash only. Get your money ready. If you are still not satisfied, go by next door and order to go to continue the adventure for your taste buds at home.
Do make sure to have a big smile when you come out of the restaurant. People waiting in line will only salivate more seeing how happy you were about your meal.
Now repeat as often as you wish :)
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